OK, this is maybe the raddest story ever. According to Yahoo News, this Welsh guy, Alan Knight, was skimming money out of his neighbor’s bank account (the neighbor has Old Timer’s disease), and in order to avoid prosecution, he faked being a crippled for two years, even pretending to be in a coma for part of that time (his lapses into a comatose state coincided with his scheduled court dates).

The only reason he was caught was that he slipped out of the hospital to do a bit of shopping, and security cameras caught him on tape strolling around the mall or something.

Initiating slow-clap now. . . .

Martin Luther is alleged to have said something like, “If you’re going to sin, sin boldly.” Well, Knight has certainly done that, and for this he surely deserves a nod of admiration at least. I mean, it takes a serious measure of dedication to your crimes to just lie around in a fake coma for weeks on end, right?

And on top of all the free money he was getting, he probably got to binge-watch all those great BBC programs like The Office and, umm, The Office.

So the take-away, boys and girls, is this: If you’re going to steal from the old and senile, at least do it in style.