Episode #127 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a description of perhaps the most harrowing dream ever, after which we consider a conservative prophet’s doomsday deadline for Obama to finally accomplish the insidious plans he’s been hatching for the last eight years. We discuss whether David Blaine is a master illusionist, fraud, or minion of the underworld. We take voicemails from a Millennial listener about the financial challenges her generation faces, another about whether heaven will suck because there’ll be no Netflix or weed, and still another about whether marriage just gets in the way of true love. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” asks whether God needs to be dictated to, prayer-wise, and Jason’s “Dick Move, God” segment demonstrates just how far the Lord will go to pull off an object lesson. Christian is biebered by dubious clickbait math, while Jason’s bieber has to do with (you guessed it) fixing what ain’t broke.
Also, Slenderman meets the Ring girl who crawled out of that well? Just peed myself….
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Xtian, you asked about believing the Bible and thinking nothing happens when we die. This topic is a fascinating one for me. Let me assure you, I’m not looking to argue with you, and since you asked, I’d like to give my two cents. But first, what do you mean by nothing happens and then adding this life is all there is? Please indulge my picky lawyery :).
I actually believe the scriptures assume that when we die, basically nothing happens except we stop breathing more than most modern westerners are comfortable with.
And what you said about marriage was spot on man. Unrelenting and or unspoken great expectations will get mighty ugly in a marriage.
• I mean, how is it possible for a country to run effectively when a good 20% of its population is either pushing or believing batshit crazy lies?
• I don’t agree with everything that Obama does (see: Yemen, Libya), but the man has been one of the most stable, steady presidents we’ve had. He’s done decent work. Zero scandals that didn’t turn out to be conservative agitprop. A decent, if insufficient economic recovery that he largely managed himself since Congress stopped working with him early.
• Now let’s turn the country over to the guiding hand and wisdom a walking, breathing Internet comment thread.
• He hasn’t taken away any of our guns… YET!
• I think it’s a good economy, but I think we need a New New Deal, but our Congress is run by folks who think the first New Deal should be undone and that unfettered capitalism will make America a utopia and don’t believe that capitalism creates victims.
• We could have what our parents and grandparents had, but we lack the political will to do what is necessary.
• Life is a constant struggle against the inevitable.
• I think if there is a heaven that we go to, that our purification will be perfect knowledge. We will know the damage that every errant word caused. We will know the pain that something left unsaid caused. We will know, in exquisite detail, about the consequences of our every action and inaction, and that knowledge will influence our hearts to choose good. The opportunity to choose poorly will still be there, but we won’t want to make that choice.
• I don’t think heaven is a non-stop church service. If I did, I’d call that hell.
• “Everyone sing ‘Lord, I lift your name on high’ again for the next 1,000 years…”
“Uh… can I… can I request a transfer to the Other place?”
• That always seemed weird. Mind warping me into someone completely different violates the very excuse of Free Will that is given for why evil and hell exists in the first place.
• I hurt myself today… to see if I still feel…
• After you die, your heart will be weighed on a scale against a feather and if your heart is heavier, it will be fed to the Devourer.
• Marriage didn’t change my relationship with my wife. Kids did. To be fair, they do bring many good things, but it’s a lot harder to be spontaneous and go out on dates regularly when the little ones show up.
• My wife talked me into buying an overpriced vacuum cleaner as well. I think it must be a girl thing.
• And your car’s computer can be hacked. So that will be fun.