Podcast #57: Gender Distinctions, Sexual Assault, and Comedy

40 August 16, 2015 by

57_finalIn this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we open the floor up to you, the listener, and let you set the table for the evening’s discussion. We begin by tackling the issue of who would win in a fight between the two of us (Jason didn’t agree with Christian’s answer, but he chose not to press the issue because he hates fighting). We take a listener’s call about vasectomies and miscarriages, and then address Target’s plan to ruin America and force our kids to gay one another. The discussion then takes a turn and we discuss exactly how many self-proclaimed female victims there need to be before we’ll believe that a famous comedian sexually assaulted them despite the fact that he’s really, really funny. Christian thinks he is biebered by randomly-committed airport faux pas, but is actually just being racist. Jason’s bieber puts all of Hollywood on notice.

Also, who knew that Neil Diamond vehicular-manslaughtered a kid?

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40 Comments (click here to leave a comment)

  3. Random Thoughts:

    • Fuck Ginger, Marry Marianne, and kill Gilligan so you can get off the goddamned island.

    • Christian would win in a fist fight, but I think if Jason wanted to turn to the dark side, he could slowly gaslight Christian over the long run into insanity.

    • “I’ll be there in a minute. Someone posted something stupid on Facebook and I must correct them.”

    • I’d jaw some more about Jason’s anachronistic vocabulary, but I have to ankle down to the mechanic’s to pick up my hayburner and then cruise downtown to the haberdashery for a new suit.

    • And let’s cross Apple off the list of potential sponsors too.

    • I’m starting to realize that Catholics and Baptists share one very important tenet: If you can do it, then there’s probably something wrong or sinful about it.

    • Listening to Jason talk about the ‘what-if’s’ that could happen to this couple makes me realize that Baptists and Catholics also share another tenet: If something bad could happen to you, then it’s going to happen to you.

    • If you’re going to say doing TV is no longer the mark of a downslide in your movie career, don’t bring in Colin “Total Recall remake” Farrell and Taylor “John Carter” Kitsch as your exhibits A and B.

    • Okay, John Carter was not all bad. I wouldn’t pay for it, but if you have insomnia, it’s two in the morning, and it’s on cable, it’s worth watching.

    • Donald Trump isn’t the president we need, he’s the president we deserve.

    • Forget Survivor: Religion, we need Survivor: Road to the White House. Put all of the candidates on an island. Have the film crew leave to go get the supplies they ‘forgot’ to pack. Conveniently forget which island we left them all on. Everyone in America continues to live their lives as normal.

    • Who’s to say which toys are for boys and which toys are fer girls? Jesus. That’s who. And he ain’t gonna want no little boys playing with the Barbies and no little girls playing with the superhero action figures or else they’ll become part of teh ghey! It’s SCIENCE!

    • Yeah, we tried the “let’s not buy guns for our boy”. And it didn’t last that long. He hung out with other boys and started building guns out of Legos, repurposed a toy golf club to be his lightsaber/blaster rifle. Now we just let him buy Nerf guns with his allowance money.

    • Remember the Alamo! When a group of white men, angered that Mexico outlawed slavery, bravely fought and died to take land from the government of Mexico as their own.

    • Seriously, Mexico, we’re very, very sorry and would you please take Texas back?

    • Look, there’s a difference between expecting folks to not be giant assholes and show some empathy towards other people and their feelings and shutting down exposure to different points of view simply to because everyone these days is such a fragile special snowflake that the merest notion or words that challenge their world view will melt them.

    • Rules for life #1: Don’t be an asshole.

    • Rules for life #2: Don’t be a whiny ass titty baby.

    • Rules for life #3: Do some good in this world and make it a better place when you leave it than when you arrived.

    • That is all.

    • The only joke I make about rape is to quote Deuteronomy 22:28-29 to remind folks that God has a perfect plan for their lives and His perfect plan for rape victims is to have their rapist pay their dad’s 50 shekels of silver and then force her to marry her rapist for life.

    • Okay, it’s not a very funny joke.

    • There’s also that good one about how if a married rape victim in a city isn’t rescued, then she didn’t fight hard enough and probably wanted it, so we should stone her too.

    • That joke is actually probably worse…

    • Ah… that wacky Jehovah.

    • Hey, guys, come on. Let he who hasn’t pulled out his penis unsolicited and started jerking off in front of a perfect stranger cast the first stone.

    • I’m kidding. I’m kidding…

    • We had been married for five years when I did that.

    • Her response was, “As long as I don’t have to touch it, knock yourself out.”

  4. Listening to Jason talk about the ‘what-if’s’ that could happen to this couple makes me realize that Baptists and Catholics also share another tenet: If something bad could happen to you, then it’s going to happen to you.

    Haha, my “what if” was “What if the woman gets pregnant on the third try”! Didn’t realize that was an omen of doom. . . .

  5. I was more referring to the whole “What if they get divorced? What if she dies in a car accident” part when you were talking about if the guy was going to regret having a vasectomy.

    Mostly because worst case scenarios are exactly where my Baptist trained brain go when I start thinking about the future or really anything. lol

  6. Of course the Catholic church teaches that sterilization is wrong, especially if forced on another (not the caller’s situation). In the context of marriage, it alters what marriage even is. Just like in contraception, it deliberately violates the conjugal act. The entire point of marriage in the first place is for the possibility of life. It is NOT because we think every sperm is a human (@Christian). BTW, if someone is entering the church who elected to be sterilized, it isn’t something the Church forces you to reverse (which is burdensome), they would just need to confess it.

  8. On the boy/girl toy thing. If all Target is doing is removing signs that specifically identify a “boy” toy from a “girl” toy, I don’t understand why people are having such a hissy fit over it.

    I can also vouch for the boys can make anything into a gun. We also tried to avoid guns in shows and toys, but it didn’t work. He still turned every toy into a gun – sometimes even dolls. As for girls, Alex (my oldest daughter who I gave a boy’s name), when she was 2 got interested in my large hard wood block set I had as a child. When she picked up 2 blocks I got excited that we were going to build something together. But then she cradles the first block and says “baby!” and pretends the second block is a bottle…

    I also have about zero problem with my son playing with baby dolls. What am I worried about – that he is pretending to be a father! He sees me play with babies. I really don’t get why people have such a hard time with that.

    On a somewhat unrelated note, I was reminded of an exchange I had with my son (who just turned 3). After he watched me cut down a tree, he came up to me and exclaimed: “We are boys! And boys break stuff!” – such profound insight.

  9. @JasonStellman:disqus, I have this “friend” who has never really listened to U2 before. He is completely unfamiliar with their music. What would you advise that he listen to first? When I asked week or so ago Jeremiah suggested The Joshua Tree.

  10. Of course those in the relatively more powerful class can use jokes, satire, and caricature to make fun of and call attention to flaws commonly found in that class. Honestly, as a white man, who would I possibly listen to other than another white man. Those kinds of jokes from anyone else would just be whining.

  11. I think people get upset because they believe God created them ‘male’ and ‘female’ and they have these cultural ideas in their head of what ‘maleness’ and ‘femaleness’ are. Males are supposed to be he-man adventurers who play with guns and action figures and females are supposed to be dainty little things that play with dolls and ovens. They don’t realize that some of their associations are cultural based, so they see any attempt at saying, “Hey, just be yourself and play with whatever you want to play with” as an assault on the ‘biblical’ order.

    That, and I think with the greater acceptance of gays and lesbians, some parents are a bit paranoid that unless they continually reinforce their cultural ideas of male and female-ness that their kids will be ‘seduced’ by the gays, not realizing how absurd the idea is.

  12. Actually, satire and caricature is what the less powerful use to critique those in power. Those in power have no need to critique themselves. Or at most they write pamphlets (or actual critiques).

  15. I don’t know if I agree. Keeping up with the undulations of power between the Torries and the Whigs is beyond me, but I’m pretty sure Jonathan Swift penned Gulliver’s Travels based on his experiences as a member of the political elite. Plus, I’m relieved to see we’re in agreement that jokes are okay.

  17. I would either start with The Unforgettable Fire (if he is more of an ’80s guy), or Achtung Baby (if ’90s). With the exception of the new album, they haven’t done anything great since ’97.

  19. While I certainly don’t claim to be a U2 expert, I agree with starting with The Joshua Tree, with the caveat that your must then listen to Achtung Baby. The transition between the pinnacle of their commercial success and the pinnacle of their creative expression is one of the greatest moments in all of popular music. Nobody could have predicted Achtung Baby was coming. The same thing happened when the Beatles followed up Revolver with Sargent Peppers, or Radiohead followed up The Bends with Ok Computer. In each case, the band absolutely mastered its commercial formula, but then broke the mold and followed it up with a record unlike anything that had been heard before…by anyone.

    Over the last 15 to 20 years, the only three albums that have remained constant fixtures in my all time top 5 albums are Sargent Peppers, Achtung Baby, and Ok Computer. And it’s precisely because of the quantum leap forward in creativity each of these albums represent.

  23. We didn’t say he was falsely set up by the media, but yeah, we addressed Jared at the beginning of the episode we recorded last night. Crazy.

  26. Personaly, I think Pop is their best, but pretty much every one else in the world would disagree.

  27. So what are 4 and 5? For me, 4 is a Pink Floyd record, either Piper at the Gates of Dawn or Dark Side of the Moon. Filling the 5th and final slot is always hard. I usually find myself trying to decide between Flaming Lips’ Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Beck’s Midnite Vultures, or Beastie Boy’s Paul’s Boutique.

  29. 4. Led Zeppelin IV
    5. This is a tough one. There are 100 albums I want to put here from Sin by Poor Old Lu to Circle Slide by The Choir to Standards by The Alarm to Dookie by Greenday to A Rush of Blood to the Head by Coldplay to Welcome Race Fans by Dakoda Motor Co. to The Eminem Show to Appetite For Destruction to The Breaking of the Dawn by Fernando Ortega to Once Upon a Time in the West by Hard Fi to Kick by INXS to Brushfire Fairytales by Jack Johnson to Kasabian to Kay Kay and His Weathered Underground to Hot Fuss by The Killers to Oracular Spectacular by MGMT to Good News for People Who Love Bad News by Modest Mouse. Then there’s No Doubt, (What’s the story) Morning Glory by Oasis, Crimson & Blue by Phil Keaggy, The Pump up the Volume soundtrack, the Reality Bites soundtrack, Spark by Plankeye, A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band (Rich Mullins), Our Ill Wills by the Shout Out Louds, This Beautiful Mess by Sixpence None the Richer, Final Straw by Snow Patrol. Oh, also Rose Blossom Punch by Aaron Sprinkle. Any one of these could do, but I could never choose one of them. Ha ha.

  31. We need to rip this evil out of the fabric of our society. Because it’s so intertwined with our way of life, it may rip some things we’ve come to regard as comforts out with it. We may lose some opportunities for research. We may have more children than we were expecting. We may have less control over designing our dream lives. But take a step back for one minute and look at the baby moving on the tray. Look at it! This is the moral cost of those “comforts,” and it is dark and ugly evil. I pray we are not yet too far gone to see it.

    http://str.typepad.com/weblog/2015/08/the-seventh-planned-parenthood-video-ordinary-everyday-evil.html

  32. Yes you did. You both claimed that tmz had reported the “FBI raids home for porn” story when in fact, according to you, Jared had nothing to do with it and was only helping the fbi bust some guy that worked for him once. You both bemoaned the sad and unnecessary smearing of poor Jareds reputation. It was like 2 podcasts ago

  33. I remember the conversation. I remember my point being that we didn’t know and shouldn’t jump to conclusions. The information we had was that his house was “raided” because a former employee of his was found to have child porn on his computer, but yet everyone was already accusing Jared of being a pedophile based on the reports, which wasn’t fair. I’d still stand by that. Innocent until proven guilty, remember? I never said he was “falsely setup.” Only that we should reserve judgment and we discussed how someone’s reputation could be ruined with our media landscape the way it is without them doing anything wrong. Again, I’d still stand behind that 100%.

  34. Sucks. From what I understand it goes way beyond pornography. Apparently this guy was just a total monster.

  36. It’s probably just the effects of propaganda, but for some reason I thought he was a “good guy”. Just like with the Dougars. I guess it’s really not surprising that a giant fundamentalist family has skeletons in the closet….. but when the media paints you a picture we tend to believe it.

    When Donald trump takes office he will change all this. He Wil make America great again. He is a winner. 😉

  39. saw it in L.A. The giant lemon that turned into a disco ball whence the band subsequently exited was probably the most over the top bit of rock and roll showmanship I’ve ever seen. It was amazing.

  40. Sounds like it would have been great. Unfortunately the tour would have been going somewhere around the time I was born so I didn’t get a chance to see it.

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