Podcast #45: R.I.P. Dad Bods

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after Christian brings our attention to a recent sex scandal involving a middle school teacher’s storage closet and Jason weighs in on how little Israel matters to the issue of biblical prophecy, the DXPs put the matter of the “dad bod” to rest for good (not because it’s not an interesting topic, but because it apparently can’t be addressed without anger, hurt feelings, nearly destroyed iPads, and the majority of the discussion left on the cutting room floor). After the mid-show break (and after Jason issues his hat-in-hand mea culpa) we take a few listeners’ questions, addressing such fundamental questions as “What does God look like?” and “If Jason is so smart, why the hell can’t he find a job?” … [Read more...]

Podcast #44: “The Heat is On!”

In this episode, Jason takes one for the DXP team by saying all kinds of controversial crap about Israel, Texas, and women (he’s not all detestable, really. He’s just tired of his BFF getting picked on over the whole “Christians should kill their children” dust-up and wanted to divert attention). Christian tells a story involving a near brawl at his son’s soccer match. Between the parents. Speaking of skirmishes, a caller asks about the conflict in the Middle East to which we offer nothing remotely resembling constructive advice (beyond Christian’s prohibiting the Bible from having any say in the matter). Jason defends his track record of insulting Texas to a caller from Texas, and is thankfully made to understand that the Lone Star State … [Read more...]

Podcast #43: Culture War: What is it Good For?

In this episode, the DXPs reluctantly revisit the topic of murdering our children: Christian makes it clear that he does not encourage this, while Jason entertains the idea on grounds of annoyance rather than religion. We then seek to get to the bottom of the sinister satisfaction that many fundamentalists seem to display at the idea of hell involving eternal torment (they give the phrase “Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom” a whole new meaning). Christian then observes that Catholics and Muslims seem to be having a culture war “baby-off,” which worries him significantly regardless of who wins (Jason is rooting for the saintly Westerners against the filthy war-mongers). Christian is biebered by bottles and buttons, while Jason’s bieber … [Read more...]

Podcast #42: Michael Hernandez Interview

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian test out their interview skills on one of their oldest and closest friends, Michael Hernandez. After trying to figure out why Michael would choose to be gay with all the girls who were throwing themselves at him in high school, the DXPs do their best to determine if this choice of his means eternal darkness or whether or not God may spare him since at least he’s not Agnostic. (Sorry, Christian.) They reminisce about their good old days as bigoted fundamentalists and aspiring professional bowlers, acknowledging that Michael probably “bumped the twig” quite a bit more often than they did. Christian tries to get to the bottom of why marriage is important to the gays (or to anyone for … [Read more...]

Podcast #41: Rage Against the Machine

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian opens up and shares with us good saintly folks what it’s like to be a vilified, persecuted agnostic (and if he thinks God’s going to help him out with this problem, he can frickin think again). He then amuses Jason with his slurred speech, which must be contagious since by episode’s end Jason sounds like he is speaking in slow motion. The issue of the Baltimore riots gives way to a discussion of such systemic issues as wage slavery, sweatshop labor, and the crime of Driving-While-Black (geez, some people always find a reason to complain, right?). A listener’s call opens up the matter of marriage equality, causing the DXPs to discuss whether the church or the state should have any say in … [Read more...]

Podcast #40: Kids: Love Them Enough to Kill Them!

So this is 40, meaning Drunk Ex-Pastors is now officially old (like a 40 year-old man or a 27 year-old woman [hey, don’t shoot the cultural messenger]). In this episode, Jason and Christian celebrate their geriatric status by swapping stories about shaving and unwanted body hair. We then bicker about whether Christian’s constant interrupting of Jason is due to the latter’s verbosity or the former’s impatience, both of which we trust are incredibly endearing. We then consider an alternative voting system that makes enough sense to never be implemented in a million years, after which we tackle the issue of money in politics. A listener’s question about the so-called “age of accountability” opens up a massive can of worms, leaving Jason … [Read more...]

Podcast #39: Leave the Driving to Us

In this episode, the Drunk Ex-Pastors do their best to live up to their names (Christian introduces a new cocktail to the arsenal, while Jason does his part by drinking several margaritas before show time). After briefly revisiting the issue of police brutality, we let our inner Californians show by divulging some of our driving habits, including the theory that driving twice the speed limit reduces one’s chances of getting a speeding ticket by half (math is hard). The DXPs then share some tips for avoiding traffic fines and ignoring overly-inquisitive borders patrol guards, as well as give a bit of insight into why we ignore all of your Facebook friend-requests. We take a listener call about whether we are prejudiced against Islam, that … [Read more...]

Podcast #38: Police Brutality, Jesus’ Identity, and Faith vs. Science

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss the various forms of police brutality that have been making headlines of late (yeah, yeah, we know: Not all cops are bad cops. But the way things are going, the po-po’s gotta earn the benefit of the doubt rather than being given it). We then discuss C.S. Lewis’s argument that Christ is either “a liar, a lunatic, or Lord,” and even listen to Bono’s version of the trilemma, and yet Christian still manages to harden his heart and resist the holy and inspired Word of Bono. And God. We take a listener call about the relation of faith to science and, much to Christian’s annoyance, Jason takes a completely reasonable and intellectually respectable position that refuses to see any … [Read more...]

Podcast #37: Heartsickness, Respect, and Divine Fatherhood

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we witness a stunning turning-of-the-tables as Jason (the happy one) seeks to cheer up his pal Christian (the sad one). Once “Let Go, Let God” has done its job, the DXPs offer their condolences to a heartbroken caller, reflecting on the fact that, deep down, we’re all still lovesick teenagers. Christian then begins a drunken retraction of last week’s intolerance, only to change his mind and dig his heels, insisting that it’s human nature to blur the line between respecting a person and respecting his ideas (Jason reluctantly kind of agrees, but is mostly just amused at his BFF’s drunken demeanor). Christian reads a selection from Jason’s forthcoming book in which he argues that God’s archetypal … [Read more...]

Podcast #36: Safe Sex, Solo Sex, and a Bunch of Other Kinds of Sex

So this is the episode where we talk about sex (and true to form, the DXPs leave no stone unturned. Perhaps we should call ourselves the DXXXPs?). We tackle extramarital relations, masturbation, contraception, Onanism, homosexuality, and whether sex-for-pleasure is actually more human than animalistic (with Christian giving a rousing defense of his views and Jason giving a half-hearted one of his). This leads into a debate about whether a family should adjust the amount of children they have to their desired lifestyle, or the other way around. We take a caller’s question about fraternities, which springboards into a discussion about the racism and misogyny not only of SAE but of the Greek system as a whole. Christian’s bieber shows him … [Read more...]